Personal Sex Advice by Deni | Edited by Samarel
Dear Deni,
I have been dating this guy for almost 3 years. We’ve been living together for 2 years. Our first year, sex was awesome…almost every day. But now sex is getting boring…we do not do it often anymore… I don’t know if that is normal or not…
We are young (20 and 26)…and I want to have sex almost every day….but he makes excuses that he’s tired or his back hurts or something. When we do have intimacy, he comes really fast (not more than 10-15 minutes) and he has very little cum.
So I started asking myself ..WHY?
I started searching on internet and realized that every time he comes from work he spends time trying to save pictures from internet of women showing their boobs or asses and stuff like that.
I found a pen drive with 154 pictures and videos of different women, celebrities getting out of the car and by accident showing their pussy and things like that. He has like 24 Porn’s CDs.
I got to the point I thought that I just don’t satisfy him and I’m not enough for him, he prefers naked women pics to masturbate to rather than being with me. I talked to him about it, he keeps telling me that he loves me, that I am enough for him, that I completely satisfy him.
We fight. I get really mad, I feel weak, insufficient. We talk, he stops doing it (for 1-2 weeks and then goes back again).
When we have intimacy, he doesn’t like to eat my pussy (once in a month) …doesn’t like to use my dildo, sometimes changes the positions. I don’t get to climax, I cum but I haven’t had an orgasm for a long time. I have tried to dress sexy to impress him, try to be slutty and everything…. but NOTHING. The next day I check and he was watching porn.
I love him he’s a really nice guy, very familiar, a good friend, a good man, he cooks, he cleans, he helps in anything I ask him, he’s loyal. I believe he is my soul mate, I love everything about him but THIS!
This is killing me.
Thank you
Jessy
Dear Jessy,
You have asked a lot of questions, so I will try to take them one by one.
Believe me, I understand the way rejection can affect a person’s self-esteem. Clearly you are beginning to feel undesirable. That is completely understandable. You see the problem as being you. In reality, it is NOT just you, it is BOTH of you. The harmonics of your relationship are dissonant.
You asked if it is normal for sex to become less frequent as time goes by. The answer to that is yes, for a number of reasons. Familiarity, lack of adventure, being taken for granted, other activities that exhaust us, decrease in our lack of commitment to want to please our partners . . . to name a very few.
Your partner clearly has an addiction to porn. It appears from your letter that he has an addiction to a certain type of porn. So let me ask you a few questions.
1. Do the pictures/video clips he saves to disk all have women with a certain look to them? If so, then your lover has a fetish for that certain look. That look could be, as you say, that their pussies are exposed when getting out of a car. Or perhaps they have a certain thin waist, or maybe large breasts, or a particular butt shape. Is he also saving erotic sex art pictures? There are a million fetishes. Spend a little time figuring out if he has one (or more).
2. Does your body type and appearance resemble the pictures he saves? He may be developing an attraction for a body type unlike yours. Your lover’s lack of interest for sex with you could be because his fetish is not represented by you. Let me be clear, that is not a statement about YOU, per se, it is a statement about HIS evolving fetish.
3. Are you gaining or losing weight? Any changes in your bodily appearance could change his sexual trigger response.
4. Have you become more demanding of his time or energy outside of sex? Men can subtly resent our monopolizing their time. This can lead to lack of interest.
5. Have you changed your diet? As a result of changing our diet, we can secret different pheromones (attractants distributed as scents). Even changing our soap or deodorant can disrupt the phenomenal attractants.
If you can't blow them, join them..
Your lover’s quantity of sperm is probably for one of two reasons. Either genetic, or he has already cum recently. Did he always have a small sperm ejaculation? If not, then he is masturbating before he gets together with you.
If he is masturbating before he gets home, or before YOU get home, then he is more turned on by his porn addiction, than by you.
If this is the case, perhaps you should join him as he watches porn, and maybe even help him masturbate as you dildo yourself while he surfs. If you can’t beat them, join them type of thing. If you do this, be upbeat, not resentful, and make positive comments about the women he is fantasizing about. Let yourself get turned on by what is turning him on. This could open up your lines of communication.
In any case, the basic fact is, there is some sort of a lack of honest communicate, a “failure to communicate”, between you two.
Something you are doing is stopping him from being totally honest with you. Try never asking him for anything for a while, see what his reaction is to that tactic. Let him glimpse your pussy as you get out of the car, change your body type to be what he seems to like (lose weight, gain weight, get a boob job or breast reduction, etc.). Change your perfume. Change what you wear.
You might try having him write down what the attraction is to what he seems to like. Or, conversely, what he does not like about you sexually.
It seems clear that your relationship is headed toward separation unless you can establish the honest and open communication that obviously is not there for whatever reason.
Sweetheart, if it ain’t TOO broke, you can fix it.
Otherwise, chalk it up to experience, let your wounded heart heal, figure out what YOU did wrong, and learn from the experience. You are young, and have plenty of time to find “Mr. Right”. So just head into the future as honestly and openly as you possibly can.
And for goodness sake, don’t waste time on “Mr. Wrong”! You are a worthy and worthwhile human being. You deserve to be treated that way. Throughout your life, watch for your won faults and eliminate them. Be the best person you can be. No one can expect any more. So don’t expect more from yourself than your best. Your best IS good enough . . . for the RIGHT man in your life.
Hugs
Deni
Personal Sex Advice for Better Life
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