top of page

My husband is very shy in bed + Never say 'NO' in the bedroom

Personal Sex Advice by Deni | Edited by Samarel


Dear Deni,

Hi, it's Rae! I need a little help with my boy. We're getting married and all and have had great sex twice, but still he is very shy in bed.

It bothers me, when he is shy he is afraid to try and do things, I don't know how to make him forget his shyness! Maybe by blowing his mind by doing a few things or something...? Please help!



Dear Rae,

You and your lover have a lot of wonderful, delicious exploring to do in your future. Cherish the journey honey. Cherish opening his sexual consciousness to the delights of a sexual woman. Cherish your opportunity to watch him grow and to learn as your body rewards his advances, rewards his trip into and through the “light fantastic”.


Be affirming, encouraging

In order to help him along his journey, you will have to be affirming, encouraging, and never scold or seriously tease him. A shy man can easily have their feelings hurt, which will undermine their self-esteem, their self-confidence. Without that self-confidence, he will not feel inclined to experiment with you.


Clearly explain to him the delightful opportunities you are offering him, show him how to do what you want him to do, then thank him profusely as he makes his efforts to please you. ALWAYS stay positive with him when you are making love.


Encourage him

Don’t push, instead OFFER him opportunities in a way that he sees clearly that it will please you very much if he takes advantage of those proffered opportunities. After he has pleasured you both, praise him, and thank him, both in your body language and in your words. Tell him how great it was and how much you appreciate his actions. Show him respect and support. Answer his questions without being lofty or laughing at him, no matter how naïve his question may appear to you.


When you cum

confirm to him that he made you cum, don’t make him wonder.


If you would prefer not to follow one of his suggestions, never say “No”, instead offer alternatives. Explain to him why you would prefer the alternatives.


or videos that show the things you would like to do with him. Talk frankly about how they turn you on and why.


Guide his hands

Guide his mouth, his cock to teach him how you like it, where you like it, what movements turn you on, what language (words and phrases) you get turned on by.


I envy you your exciting journey, Rae. May your marriage be blest with love and happiness.


Deni



Never say 'NO' in the bedroom

Most frustration and boredom in a relationship starts with the two-letter word: "NO!" Now we all know that that word may come in many formats, like a frosty glare, a bored sigh, a look that says "You want to do what?" or even an indiscreet "FUCK You asshole!"


We ain’t goin there buddy, forget it But in essence, it is the same thing. “We ain’t goin there buddy, forget it!” And just like that, one more trowel of mortar and a brick goes onto the walls we build between the ones we love and ourselves. Divorce is built out of one comment, one action, at a time, repeated over and over. Each time you shut down your loved down, the end of the relationship is just that much closer.


In relationships with a Taker, the “No!”s are frequent and close together. With Givers, the “No!”s are usually farther apart, and there is often time for the recipients of the “No!”s to recover, even heal. Still, . . . . enough “No!”s and the relationship will crumble. Maybe not a divorce, but perhaps it will evidence itself in an affair, or “erectile dysfunction” (love that euphemism for rejection) or some other symptom of dismissal.


So what are the alternatives to “No!”s?


Basic Problem Solving 101’ tells us to first analyze the evidence.

In other words, WHY did you say “NO!”? This takes honesty, brutal self-honesty.

Do you need to be in control, and saying “NO!” is how you do it? Or are you afraid of pain?

Or perhaps you are hurting from some other previous incident and are saying “NO!” to get back at your partner.


There are probably a thousand other reasons as well. But the real question is “Is it worth the rejection you are dishing out on your partner, in the long run?”



Step Two is to brainstorm other solutions that do not include the rejection. Let’s say you are being asked by your partner to allow him to penetrate your anus. Just before you blurt out “NO!” you realize that your instant willingness to refuse him was because you are afraid it will hurt too much. After telling your partner the reason that you are hesitant to go along with their fantasy, you might suggest “I will try it with you if you let me be in control of the penetration speed and depth, so I can make sure you stop if it starts to hurt too bad, OK?”


That way, even if it does end up hurting way too badly to consummate their fantasy, your partner knows you really did try for them. And they will not take that as a rejection. One less brick in our wall.


So, when you suddenly discover you have been saying “NO!”, and the reason for the discovery is a set of divorce-papers served on you, or you discover their illicit affair, don’t blame your spouse, be honest and have enough integrity to analyze whether it was really your own doing!


Deni







Personal Sex Advice for Better Life


Disclaimer: The information contained herein is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for the diagnosis or treatment of any health problem, whether it be physical or psychological. Consult your physician or a licensed medical professional for a detailed diagnosis of your particular medical problem. PSA guide assumes no responsibility for how this material is used.

48 views

Comments


bottom of page