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Creative lovemaking ideas; How to stay hard and aroused during sex

Personal Sex Advice by Deni | Edited by Samarel

Dear Deni

I am having a problem, SOMETIMES, cumming while having sex with my wife whom i do love and am attracted to. I do enjoy the love making but then, simply loosing 'it' at a certain point. Thing is, I have no problem at all cumming while watching porn or having cyber-sex. I guess i am addicted to porn but how can i enjoy both worlds without been 'cured' from this addiction?

Curious B

Man grabbing woman's thong seductive erotic pic
your mind is your best sex organ...imagine what you can do to her

Dear B

Male erections! What a wonderful thing! And OH GOODNESS I do enjoy them!

But did you know that man is the ONLY mammal that has no bone inside his penis!? A man maintains an erection solely by mental stimulation! The triggers causing other animals to discharge their semen are largely chemically driven. Not so for a man. For a man to discharge, his brain must specifically instruct his groin to cum.

That means he must be MENTALLY stimulated. It is a man's mental stimulation that creates and maintains his erection, and then allows his orgasm. It is this critical MENTAL stimulation that may be missing from your marital sex.


Porn is the embodiment of visual and audible sexual stimulation in a portable, non-personal format. Porn allows us to receive those mental images and stimulations that we need to achieve orgasm without having to interact socially with others. We used to be able to sit in the corner of our cave and watch the other members of our tribe copulate. That was prehistoric pornography. Now we have all sorts of ways of watching others have sex. And I enjoy most of them!


Toying with ourselves, whether while watching porn or fantasizing about a sexy mental episode in our lives, allows us to expend the minimum amount of energy, and requires little if any social interaction. In other words, masturbation is a self-centered action. That does not mean it is wrong, only that it is TAKING, not GIVING.

Making love

On the opposite end of the spectrum let's look at a man making love to his beloved woman. There is an emotional bond there. There is a caring about how the other person is feeling, what they want, what they require in order to enjoy making love.

Contrast that with a dog on a street corner humping his canine bitch because her pheromones triggered his need to deposit his sperm. The dog has absolutely NO desire to make sure the bitch he is mindlessly humping enjoys his deposition of sperm. The dog's only drive is to deposit his sperm within her vagina, and then to take off as soon as his wobbly legs can function again.

Think while you fuck

The difference between animals and man is what the male is thinking about during sex. A man that loves the woman he is having sex with is probably thinking about fifty things at once during sex. He is monitoring her reactions to his movements. He is trying to read her mind. He is trying to hit just the right spot with his penis so she gets turned on. He is trying to guess what she is thinking. He is trying to tell if he is hurting her or turning her on. And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

In addition to that, he is trying to feel the sensations of his penis inside her. He is trying to hold himself up on his hands, or stand and not pull back to far so that his penis doesn't pop out of her. It goes on and on. Frankly, I have no idea how any man ever cums when he is making love to a woman that is a taker during sex.

Just Fucking

A man that is just fucking, such as fucking a whore, has it easy. All he has to do is take. But when a man is trying to make love to his beloved woman, he is thinking about so many things that it is clearly difficult to maintain focus on his primary mission, in other words to cum inside his woman and impregnate her. And on top of that, many sexual positions require the man to support his body in extremely stressful positions that require a lot of energy. Therefore, his muscles are screaming for oxygen and nourishment. Is it at all surprising that some of the blood he needs to maintain an erection might be diverted to his muscles?

Porn and masturbation

When a person is masturbating, such as when you are watching porn, all you have to move is your wrist, or at most, your arm. It is easier than holding your whole body up, doing pushups long enough to allow your woman to get turned on enough to cum.

And the odds that your woman is going to do things that are deliberately intended to turn you on are low, and get lower with each passing year of a relationship. Most women just want to lie there and be pleasured. They rarely are willing to do all the little extra things that turn a man on.

Sex and drug companies

Some women tend to approach sex as takers, not givers. Sad but true. They approach it with the attitude that it is their man's job to turn them on. They have been fed a line of baloney for so long that they believe that they can't turn themselves on. They believe it takes a man to turn them on!

That single fact is probably responsible for more marital problems than money.

The drug companies have come upon the means of allowing your body to respond more primly to sexual stimulation. They are more than willing to sell you Viagra, or Cialis, or Levitra. They promise you that with their expensive drug, your erection will be automatic with no side effects. It may work, but it won't solve the problem in your marriage.

Using the right sex positions

To solve the problem in your marriage, your woman will have to start doing her share in bed. Yes, she will have to become a more highly sexual creature. There are positions for mutually satisfactory sex that require less energy to be expended by the man. Try them out. Get a sex manual that shows different positions (the Kama Sutra is a good one to start with, or Samarel erotic art galleries). Use positions that require less stress on your body. And figure out how to get your wife to do her part during sex, instead of just lying there like a princess expecting you to wait on her, and to do all the heavy lifting, so to speak.


Related post:

Personal Sex Advice for Better Life

Disclaimer: The information contained herein is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for the diagnosis or treatment of any health problem, whether it be physical or psychological. Consult your physician or a licensed medical professional for a detailed diagnosis of your particular medical problem. PSA guide assumes no responsibility for how this material is used.



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