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How to reach an orgasm with a man; sex tips for women

Personal Sex Advice by Deni | Edited by Samarel

Hello Deni,

I don’t get easily an orgasm. I always think that is because I want it too much, or is it because I’m not relaxed enough? I squirt always and I can get myself an orgasm, but with a man? Most of the time I don’t cum.

Regards Sophia

Dear Sophia

I am happy that you can reach orgasm intensely while you are pleasing yourself. For a woman to orgasm, she usually has to be relaxed and WANT to cum. But it can be frustrating to be with a man and not be able to peak. There may be several causes.

Let's look at them one at a time:

1. You are so eager to please your mate that you do not meet your own need.

This is very common when people first start getting to know each other. We want to "be good" for our lover, so we don't do the things that turn US on. We are more concerned about HIM having a good time than we are about reaching our own satisfaction. If our lover happens to be either inexperienced or selfish, he does not concern himself with our needs, only his own.

Some men are poor lovers. They just stick it in, fuck us hard, cum, then go to sleep (or get up and leave). They miss the joy of giving. Helping a woman come is an act of giving. Just fucking us (Slam, Bam, and not even a thank you) is an act of taking. These types of men are always unhappy, think the whole world owes them, and never discover the ultimate joy of bringing happiness to those around them. With this type of lover, all you can do is meet your own needs. Either through masturbation or through self-stimulation during intercourse.

Most heterosexual porn videos show exactly this type of sex. The male sticks his penis in the woman after she has sucked on it for a long time. The male then thrusts in and out, which provides VERY little sexual stimulation to the female. BORING!!!!

2. Your lovers doesn't understand what you need

Your lover does not realize that your body requires stimulation in ways other than the simple In-and-Out that feels best to him (but not to you as a woman).

If your lover is a giver (and that is the only way for you as a woman to be happy, is to be a giver and to be WITH a giver) you can teach him how to get us off, in other words how to hit our hot spots.

A woman's body receives very little stimulation by the in and out thrusting of a man's penis. Teach your giving lover how to circle his penis as he holds it deep inside you. This stimulates your G-spot every time his penile shaft every time it brushes across your upper vaginal wall AND rubs against your clit at the same time!

If you are on top, you will find that wonderful stimulation can be found by sliding your body forward and back as his penis is buried inside you. This type of movement during intercourse has two beneficial results. It does not OVER stimulate his penis and cause him to cum, so he "lasts longer", AND it stimulates your sexual response center.

Your clitoris is your external sex stimulation organ, and your G-spot is your internal stimulation organ. They are actually the same organ and are linked through your vaginal wall.

If your lover's penis is thin and your vagina is large, you can insert your gingers into your vagina even as he is fucking you and stimulate your G-spot.

So how CAN you get an orgasm with a man?

If you have sex in the doggy style position and your lover has a nice handy set of testicles, it is wonderful to feel him slamming into you as his balls slap your clit. I LOVE that!

In any position you can frig your clit with your fingers to gain added stimulation. Or you can use a vibrator held against your clit if your lover refuses to cooperate.

Train your lover to enter you at angles at which the head of his penis strikes your G-spot. This can feel good to him and to you at the same time. For instance, if you pull your legs in under your arms, it will raise your pelvic girdle to where he can thrust into you as his penis slides across your anus. His penis will then enter you at an upward angle relative to your body and will automatically strike your G-spot with every thrust. Practice different angles until you find the one that works best for you.


In the end, a woman has to find her own orgasm unless her lover has practiced diligently to "get good at fucking" and WANTS to find the ultimate satisfaction of knowing he can "drive you to orgasm". I am lucky to have four such lovers at the current time. Find one for you, or train your current lover to meet your needs as well as his own.

If he refuses to learn, dump him for a better lover. And tell him why you are dumping him. Frankly this is one reason some women take lovers outside their main relationship. Some are honest with their Significant Other and tell them exactly why they are going to take a lover outside their current relationship. They even may cuckold their Significant Other, and BOTH parties may find great nurturing from such activities.

I wish you much success in your journey to rewarding, satisfying, and nurturing sex, sweetheart.

Let me know how it goes.


Personal Sex Advice for Better Life

Disclaimer: The information contained herein is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for the diagnosis or treatment of any health problem, whether it be physical or psychological. Consult your physician or a licensed medical professional for a detailed diagnosis of your particular medical problem. PSA guide assumes no responsibility for how this material is used.


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