Personal Sex Advice by Deni | Edited by Samarel
Dear Deni,
How can I have an orgasm, during sex, with my man other than by myself with my finger or with a vibrating toy. I want to have an orgasm with my man's cock inside of me.
Sheila
Dear Sheila,
So glad you wrote with your question. That transition, from self-satisfaction through masturbation . . . . . . to becoming responsive to our lover’s penetrations can be fraught with frustration.
The answers are not easy, and can vary widely between women.
And in a way, your vaginal responses are, at this point in time, "blind" to the very gentle stimulation that our bodies receive from a male penetration.
Here are a few pointers to try. Let me know if these work for you or not.
Do strength exercises for your vaginal muscles.
I do muscle development exercises every day. Some good ones are:
Kegel exercise
This is where, as you are peeing, you stop the stream of your urine as many times as you can in each peeing session. Over time, your vaginal constrictor muscles will build up. This will result in two wonderful results. The first is that your lover will feel much more intense gripping around his cock when it is moving in and out of you. Your stronger musculature will allow your vagina to grip him more intensely as he enters you, and also as an alternative, as he pulls outward on each stroke. The second result is that your muscles will pull his penis more tightly against those portions of your clitoris that surround your vagina. You AND your lover will LOVE this!
Most people do not realize that the clitoris is much more than the little nubbin that protrudes outside our body. It is actually a complex structure that in many ways resembles the male penile shaft and scrotum. Part of this clitoral structure wraps around your vaginal opening. By your muscles being stronger, you can stimulate that hidden portion of your clit much more intensely.
Internal exploration
If it is easy for you to reach inside your vagina with your fingers (or, if not, have your lover put his or her fingers inside you and have them give you feedback), try contracting various groups of muscles such as your anal sphincter, or your abdominal muscles, or the muscles you use to start urine elimination or anal elimination, or the muscles you use to "hold it" when you have to poop. All of these muscle groups cause movement inside you, and therefore stimulation around your vaginal sheathe. Build all of these muscle groups up over time and you will find that your own body receives added stimulation during penetration as well.
Excite yourself before you actually initiate penetration
This can be done by reading each other erotic stories. The mere act of talking about sex can be a wonderful aphrodisiac. Try caressing each other for extended periods and in intimate ways. Explore each other’s bodies with your mind, your hands, your lips, your tongue, etc. Massages are a wonderful way to initiate desire.
Talk about your fantasies with your lover
Act them out before and during making love.
Listen to your lover’s fantasies
and visualize yourself being the recipient of those thoughts. Respond to his thoughts and touches in a visible way, giving him reinforcement that he is giving you pleasurable stimulation.
Brainstorm your mutual sex fantasies
Fine tune them to make them more and more stimulating to you both.
Remember, your BRAIN is actually in control of your orgasm. Exercise your erotic brain centers and the rest becoming much easier.
If you have inhibitions, exorcise them. That means that you should totally convince yourself that your inhibitions are groundless. And usually they are. I am not advocating doing things harmful to your body or your well-being. I am only saying that if, for instance, you’re for whatever reason afraid of going skinny-dipping, go through the logical process of convincing yourself that in the right circumstances it is fun and highly erotic!
Vibrators and you
Another critical issue is the sad fact that vibrators can cause a deadening of sensitivity in your private parts. It could be that your body has become used to the much more vigorous stimulation of the vibrations and is not yet aware of the much gentler stimulations of your lover’s penis. You might try not using it for a while and see if over time that sensitivity returns.
And lastly,
Teach your lover exactly what feels best to you!
Teach him that circular motions with the base of his penis while fully embedded inside you are often pleasurable.
Try having him only enter you to the depth of his glans, not his whole. This partial penetration can be highly erotic, as his prick teases your vagina with the possibilities that are coming.
I love watching my lover’s penis enter me and exit from me completely with each decadent thrust. As his cock head slams between my eager wet vaginal lips, it vibrates my clit, ALL of it.
Experiment with the speed of his penetrations. Try having him slam in and then draw out slowly. Try having him enter you slowly, then yanking his cock out quickly. There are many variations of this that can be intensely erotic.
Teach him how to use his testicles to tease your body as he is fucking you. Teach him to periodically grind his pubic bone on your clit. Teach him to slam you from behind when he takes you from behind, causing his soft swinging testicles to slap and/or caress your excited clit. I love feeling my lover’s hands on my hips, controlling my ass as he enjoys it under his control and pleasure.
Use "four letter words". Talk as you fuck. Tell your lover graphically what feels good. Moan and swear as you feel the need. Allow your sexuality to encompass your being, until there is nothing in the world except his cock and your pussy. When that happens, you are almost there! . . . . . . Then scream "FUCK ME DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP! CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" as you cascade into utter bliss.
. . . . . Or something similar. Men LOVE to see that they have given us pleasure. Let them see that they have.
Key things to understand:
• Inhibitions decrease the joy and availability of your orgasms.
• Communications and an open mind, inventiveness and mental preparation for sex, combined with building up your physical and mental attitude of WANTING to cum, will improve your love life beyond what you can even imagine today.
I wish you the very best, Sheila.
Deni
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Personal Sex Advice for Better Life
Disclaimer: The information contained herein is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for the diagnosis or treatment of any health problem, whether it be physical or psychological. Consult your physician or a licensed medical professional for a detailed diagnosis of your particular medical problem. PSA guide assumes no responsibility for how this material is used.