Personal Sex Advice by Deni | Edited by Samarel
Dear Deni,
My problem is that whatever I do and whatever my boyfriend does I can’t cum! If I’m by myself it's no problem to cum if I want to, it happens three or four times. But when I’m with him it doesn’t happen.
I’m very sexually active and for my age (I’m 20 years old). I had a lot of guys, like 25 or something like that, after that I stopped counting. And none of these guys have come close to letting me cum. So, I don’t know what my problem is because the guy I have now does everything he can to make me cum, so that’s not it. We have sex every day. And I really enjoy it so that’s not it either. We don’t like to use toys because we are never home when we have sex. We like to do it in the strangest places! ;)
So please Deni can you help me?
SexLover
Dear SexLover
Having trouble reaching orgasm is fairly common to a young woman, especially when you are with someone else. Often the cause can be that you lose concentration as you are thinking about them and how you can turn them on and make it good for your sex partner. The trick is to learn to "take" just a little during sex play with a lover. That means you have to:
concentrate on your own sensations and pleasures
Lie on the bed with your eyes closed. Instruct your lover to be quiet so that you can concentrate on your own pleasure, just like you do when you are alone. Your lover should not be allowed to touch your skin until after you have experienced orgasm this way. No talking to them, no giggling, no peaking at them. Just keep your eyes closed and fantasize about what you normally fantasize about when you are alone and ready to cum. It is OK for YOU to make noise. But let your lover only watch you as you pleasure yourself. Pleasure yourself just like you do at home alone. And feel yourself rise toward your wonderful explosion.
So, as you lie there, touch yourself just as you would if you were totally alone. Caress your own body and think about everything that seems sexy to you. Imagine sex scenes you have seen lately or erotic art fantasies from Samarel Eros website. No assistance from your lover in any way.
If you cannot cum this way, then have your lover hide outside in the hallway with the door barely cracked, just enough that your lover can watch your own fingers touching you. It is important that your LOVER makes NO sounds at all. You of course can make any sounds you want to as you feel your own sexuality rising. Calling yourself a little slut is often a turn on for women. Some of my female lovers like to plunge their fingers into themselves and tell themselves out loud that a huge cock is fucking their little sluttish cunt hole. They often pull and twist their nipples as they tell themselves that they are a little tramp and deserve to have their nipples twisted and pulled as they finger fuck themselves to a delicious orgasm.
Learn how to touch yourself before asking your guy for help...
Other of my female lovers like to simply touch themselves lightly until they find themselves begging to be touched rougher, or more firmly. They beg their fingers to do the things they are fantasizing about. What a turn on to watch them as they cajole themselves to be more crude or rough or gentle or sluttish!
The trick is to get to the point where you can orgasm when your lover is "slightly present".
After you can cum like this regularly, then you can begin to allow your lover to touch you with only their fingertips, and only on your legs and tummy, not on your breasts or genitals. You will of course continue to pleasure yourself, eyes still closed, as your lover lightly touches you in this way. It is important to keep your mind in its own self-contained fantasy of orgasm as you are learning.
It's OK to be selfish enough to cum
When you can cum with only this little bit of stimulation, then add a little more touching from your lover. Remember, it is important to teach yourself that it is OK to allow yourself to cum in the presence of another person. It is OK to be just selfish enough to cum. Your partner wants that, and by "taking" a little, enough to cum, you are actually giving your lover what they want.
Please note that I did not state whether your lover is male or female. Indeed, it may help to have a female lover help you with this in the beginning. Females know better how to touch each other. Men sometimes do not know how. So, as you are teaching your body to respond somewhat selfishly to your own pleasuring, it might help to have a more sensitive person there to touch you softly and erotically.
With a little help from your vibrator
And perhaps you should find a nice little pocket rocket type of vibe to apply to your clit at just the right time, even if you are in public. There are some nice ones that fit easily into your purse or your lover’s pocket.
Keep adding more and more stimulation from your lover until they can be active with you and you still can maintain your concentration, and reach orgasm. Remember, you are being a little bit selfish so that you can give your lover what they want from you, your own orgasm.
Let me know if this was enough information to help you have an orgasm with your lover.
Deni Related post: Are you having trouble with orgasm?
Personal Sex Advice for Better Life
Disclaimer: The information contained herein is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for the diagnosis or treatment of any health problem, whether it be physical or psychological. Consult your physician or a licensed medical professional for a detailed diagnosis of your particular medical problem. PSA guide assumes no responsibility for how this material is used.