Personal Sex Advice by Deni | Edited by Samarel
Dear Deni,
Please tell me how to explain to a young woman how to masturbate and enjoy it.
Mel
Dear Mel
The joys of self-arousal are sometimes hard to fathom when our minds are unaccustomed to allowing ourselves to feel sexual pleasure. So of course, the very first thing that we must do is give ourselves permission to feel sexy. Often, particularly when we are young, we don’t even know how to recognize that we are subconsciously inhibited. But if we think back through our childhood and teen years, and if we think of what our parents, particularly our mothers if we are female, have told us about sex.
Stop feeling guilty
Being required to always be a "good girl", to not touch boys or let them touch you, to not flirt, to never act like a sex pot, can ingrain a sense of guilt later on when we even think of sex. Many, many women never get past that sense of ingrained guilt. Therefore, they never really allow themselves to let go and feel sexy.
Get to know your erogenous zones
Next, after we give ourselves permission to feel sexy, we have to then learn to touch ourselves. We should experiment, slowly and softly touching ourselves as we discover what feels good to us. These places that feel good to touch are called our erogenous zones. Some typical places are our nipples, our ears, our necks, our breasts, our tummies, our buttocks, our pussies, and our anus. Some women actually can find great pleasure when touched Anywhere on their bodies. Others have to experience more than just touches.
Types of stimulation
For instance, some people are visually stimulated, others are stimulated by sounds, like the sounds of other people having sex. Men, for the most part, are visually stimulated. Seeing our feminine curves and shapes are a real source of erotic stimulation for most. And some women also like to look. I LOVE to look at a man’s penis, his butt, his smile, his pectoral muscles, his legs.
Videos that show couples or people making love, or masturbating, can provide a steamy source of erotic arousal. I enjoy porn videos, and erotic art pictures of men and women having sex.
A female that is willing to touch herself will soon discover where it feels best to caress her body. Then she must also begin to develop her fantasies.
Do Not Act all Your Sexual Fantasies
Let me caution right here that it is critical to distinguish between fantasies and actions. Just because you fantasize about sexing with someone does NOT mean you are intending to act out your fantasy. In fact, it is VERY important to NOT act out your fantasy, at least not until you have CAREFULLY thought through the potential consequences.
Consequences can be as simple as being embarrassed if you are caught, or as awful as catching a lethal disease, or getting pregnant before you are ready to be a parent.
As women, we must learn to carefully teach ourselves to think things through and not simply acting impulsively. This is true whether we are learning to make love to another person, or planning a purchase, or choosing a life partner.
Learn How to Fantasize
Back to the subject of our fantasies. We must learn to fantasize because we must learn to stimulate that most important sex organ of all, our brain. Women who refuse to learn to fantasize can rarely sustain a long-term sexual relationship. When they do not stimulate their brain, their body just lies there and vegetates.
Few lovers want a "lifeless vegetable" in bed with them.
Picture yourself reaching orgasm
So when we fantasize, we picture ourselves being sexual, and becoming more and more turned on, and wanting to experience release, and wanting to experience our partner’s release. This release is called orgasm.
And orgasms are incredible once we learn to allow ourselves to let go, and CUM!
Your mind is your best sex organ - Use it
So we fantasize about our bodies being sexual, and being touched by our lover, or lovers, and pleasuring out partners in our mind, and feeling their kisses on our lips, and on our pussies, and on our nipples. We continue to touch ourselves, often pretending it is our lover’s hands and fingers and mouths that are touching us. In our mind, we allow our bodies to respond to their caresses, even though the actual touching is being done by ourselves. When we find some little erogenous place that feels good, we spend time there, caressing that spot, and thinking about sexual pleasures.
Learn to respond sexually to others touching you
It may take a bit of time, but like everything else in life, the more we practice, the better we get. And practicing sexually pleasuring ourselves allows us to learn how to respond to other people touching us.
And a good loving relationship with our lover requires that we have a good SEXUAL relationship with them. So it is important to learn to respond sexually to others of our choice.
I hope this helps your young friend.
Deni Related post: Female orgasm - Teach yourself how to cum
Personal Sex Advice for Better Life
Disclaimer: The information contained herein is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for the diagnosis or treatment of any health problem, whether it be physical or psychological. Consult your physician or a licensed medical professional for a detailed diagnosis of your particular medical problem. PSA guide assumes no responsibility for how this material is used.