Feeling madly in love with this woman
Is there really a thing called "As soon as I saw her I knew?” Deni has an answer
Dear Deni,
For the first time in my life, and I am 43 years old, I fell deeply, madly, truly in love with this woman. I am not eating sleeping or anything! I have lost weight big time. I need someone to talk to.
I have always had my guard up when it came to my heart, and would never let a woman in. But this one is it!
Is there really a thing called “As soon as I saw her I knew?”
Please help! Never had this feeling before, but it is feeling very good, but I am so scared that I am going to get hurt.
TY for your time
Gina
Dear Gina,
Ohhhhhh! Gina honey, such intense feelings have to be scary to someone that is used to holding them in check all these years. Honey, honestly, you MIGHT get hurt! But is that a good enough reason not to follow your heart?
Let me tell you something about me honey. I have had the love of my life. I was married to him for nine wonderful years. He got cancer and died baby. For those years we were married, he was my life. He knew just how much I cared for him, how deeply I loved him. When he got cancer, he felt as though he was betraying me. He could not find it in himself to tell me he had cancer. So he just left me without telling me. He died a month later.
I was heart broken.
But, looking back, I have to say I am definitely glad that I experienced his love. I would rather have had the whole thing turn out happy, like the fairy tales, but it doesn’t happen that way very often honey.
Instead, enjoy. We have to enjoy EVERY MOMENT of our passion. Don’t let your fears control your life, baby. Only the future holds the answers as to whether your fears had merit, had a basis in fact.
That being said, here are some basic guidelines for you to learn and think through regarding your new lover:
Only two givers are really ever happy together. If either person is a taker, happiness will be, at best, fleeting.
Every giver has to learn how to receive as well as give. If a giver cannot learn to receive gifts from others, there is no joy in giving for the other person. The gift of their love is one thing that we must learn to accept without question, and be grateful for.
Before you give your heart away, make certain that your new lover is not someone who believes their own lies. Someone who believes their own lies is a very dangerous person to be around. They can do evil and harm without ever taking any responsibility for their actions. Instead of taking responsibility, they rationalize their actions. And at the instant they tell themselves it is not their fault, whatever little lie they tell themselves becomes a dead certain fact in their mind.
So honey, enjoy the moment, but keep watching for the tell tale signs of a taker, or one who believes their own lies.
But if indeed, your new lover is a giver, and YOU are a giver, and they are rooted solidly in fact, just enjoy the ride! Here is no better exhilaration than a great love affair!
I wish you the best,
Deni
Author of ‘Dear Deni: Real questions, Real answers’
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Deni answered hundreds of letters like this one over the years. If you’d like more of her honest, no-nonsense advice on love and long-term intimacy, her collected letters are in:
Disclaimer: The information contained herein is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for the diagnosis or treatment of any health problem, whether it be physical or psychological. 'Dear Deni' assumes no responsibility for how this material is used.
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