Dating for Sex
Deni offers practical, consent-focused suggestions for finding open-minded partners for sex through flirting, clubs, and more.
Dear Deni
I am a big fan, and I think you are a wonderfully vivid writer, making your stories come to life with every passing word.
I find myself recently out of a deeply passionate and loving relationship with a woman I greatly admire and continue to love. She and I shared many passionate love sessions … and we experimented greatly during our time together.
Now that we are no longer together, I find that I want to explore my sexuality more, and try even more experimental forms of sex with many different partners. I was wondering how I should approach my new desires and where I might be able to find others who find themselves in similar situations.
Sincerely,
Jeff
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Dear Jeff,
You sound like a wonderful young man! I suspect having sex with you would be a lot of fun. I greatly enjoy being with lovers that do not put artificial limits on our love making. The spontaneity of unbridled sex is a real aphrodisiac for me.
To answer your question, there are many ways to come in contact with potential lovers. Some are safer than others. Here are some suggestions:
• Flirt shamelessly. Women and gay males love to be flirted with, so long as they do not feel threatened. Talk about THEM, not yourself when you strike up a conversation. That is true regardless of which sex you are flirting with.
Flirting with males can be a bit dangerous if the male you flirt with is not gay. So if you desire male-male sex to experiment with, I suggest you go to a gay bar. Much less risky for physical harm there (other than the obvious, which is STDs, so take care of that no matter what you do or try).
•Join a group. There are many swingers clubs around the world. People who go to a swinger’s club get-together expect you to want to have sex with them. Remember that "No", ALWAYS means "No!" If bondage and pain is part of what you wish to experience, there are BDSM clubs in most cities too.
• Advertise. There are many papers and web sites that have personals sections. Be honest and up-front about what you are looking for, without being inappropriately lewd.
• Become a stripper. Male strippers get lots of sex if they want it. Be the party boy and act out your fantasies.
• Develop a "Little Black Book" of people that you meet. Encourage those that enjoy you to share their contacts with you.
I wish you luck in your quest for sexual fun. Be safe, be sane, and always stay consensual honey. ALWAYS think things through before you do them.
And keep us all posted about your activities!
Deni
Author of 'Dear Deni: Real questions, Real answers
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Deni answered hundreds of letters like Jeff's over the years. If you'd like more of her honest, no-nonsense advice on love and long-term intimacy, her collected letters are in:
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