Should I watch erotica for women online, with my partner?

How Female-Focused Erotica Builds Desire, Connection & Intimacy. From our Intimacy and Relationship Collection

Whenever a woman asks if she should watch porn with her partner, I like to discover the background for the question, beyond the broader, permissive, YES! I have found there are many reasons that women feel reluctant or uneasy viewing porn with their partners. Before addressing these, let me first discuss the positive healthy aspects of sharing porn with your lover.

Porn for women CAN stimulate your desires

Porn for women can be a great way to stimulate your desires. If you are not shy about using toys in the bedroom with your lover, why not view porn? It can be seen as another tool to enhance you and your partner’s pleasure and deepen desire.

Porn can also teach you different techniques and positions as well as introduce new concepts and perceptions of sex play. Who doesn’t want to become a better lover? You can both uncover new avenues to explore in your sex life, ultimately leading to self discovery and greater intimacy together.

Porn can free yourself from old perspectives regarding sex

Porn for women can help open communication between partners as they discuss what they have seen and what they might like or dislike. By viewing porn you can unlock permission for yourself to grow and expand. Seeing others engage sexually and satisfying our natural curiosity about sex gives us license to free ourselves from old habits or perspectives, broadening your horizons and helping you achieve a higher level and satisfaction in your sexuality.

So with all that, what could be the problem?

One of the first is the insecurity of being compared to the unrealistic standards most porn sets for body type and “beauty”. Everything in porn is constructed around the heightened visuality of the male gaze. The female bodies are usually highly unobtainable for most humans, especially without surgery. All breasts and butts and flat stomachs and model pretty faces on impossibly small dainty forms. The male bodies are just as outrageous usually as well. Huge abs, hard butts, and let’s not forget that massive phallus!!!

How to make a stallion blush

On top of that, the actors, especially the women, are extremely young! Then to add insult onto injury, these beings fuck like GODS! The women are wild and abandoned, they are vocal and orgasm over and over and over. The men can have a hard on at will and can pound away for hours on end finally delivering a load that would make a stallion blush. Both women and men suffer under the weight of these standards. Both feel insecure about their bodies and their abilities. It can be daunting to see your partner glued to the images while you wonder if you are attractive enough, exciting enough, good enough……if they want the person they are seeing engage in these exciting sexuality more than they want you…… is that what they really want? You wonder. .which can make becoming aroused difficult.

Women cannot identify with the sexuality they see in regular porn

Another major complaint I hear, and have shared, is that women cannot identify with the sexuality they see portrayed in porn. They feel uncomfortable if they sense the female in the film is being used or not enjoying herself. Many times the sex is seen as something done to the woman actor, her desires are not considered and she is just an object for the man to find various ways to stick his penis into. There is nothing mutual about the sex act at all. As porn has historically been made for men by men for the male eye, the actors get reduced to body parts, cutting out all the visuals that women enjoy.

Women need porn that will feed their BRAIN, first.

I am going to let you in on a secret. Scientists have determined that women are JUST as visual as men. It’s just that we process the visuals through a more complex thought process than men do. We demand complexity, apparently. We want to see faces, expressions, connection, authenticity…. Basically most porn bypasses a lot of what really turns on the female brain and therefore, libido. Women want to like porn, and they do, to an extent, but most also feel confused and slightly angry and offended too.

Basically, the worries surrounding porn are the insecurities and challenge to self identity regarding unrealistic body types and sexual responses, the intimidating techniques and sexual appetites and abilities, and the lack of things that women find aesthetic, authentic, and sensual.

Let me introduce you to a different genre in adult entertainment… Erotica.

This is not soft-core porn. This is full on sexuality. Just different.

I like to think of porn as made for more of the “quick fix”. It seems to be a more solitary activity designed to help incite lust in order to satisfy desire. Erotica is more inclusive. It invites participants to share and spend time enticing themselves to a smoldering build up.

Regular porn tends to stare, Erotica lingers

beyond images and lust, erotica has a purpose to include, to dialog, to explore. Erotica is shot with the stimulation of the female gaze as well. It focuses on faces, expressions, connection, intimacy, as well as delivering the full on hard core images of uncensored sexuality. The differences are that the body parts are not isolated. The sexuality and camera flows over the actors and their experience, drawing you in. There is an emphasis on authenticity. Erotica presents the actor as humans, with real bodies, they could be the couple next door...

The sexuality is usually placed into context. No more dropping into a scene where the participants are in full on intercourse with three-part harmony and orchestration. Erotica attempts to normalize sexuality by placing the actors in a relatable life situation where authentic, mutual sexuality occurs.

Sharing Erotica with a partner

Erotica is the perfect adult genre to share with a partner, especially for the porn uninitiated or fearful. Porn can be a hot flame that compels you to tear each other’s clothes off, as erotica can slowly seduce you into ecstatic heights of intimacy and lovemaking…. Or fucking (warning, Erotica will turn you on as much, if not MORE than Porn when watching with a partner)!

Real people, Real bodies, Real sensuality

Now, you may ask, “Where can I find such delights as Erotica??” May I humbly suggest my own female conceived, co-owned, and creative directed company, Spark Erotic. Designed for women and couples, to capture authentic mutual passion. All of our films place sexuality in a normalized context. We shoot in a cinematic indie style with stories that draw you into the characters. For an added bonus, not only are all of our stars our friends in real life, but they are actual lovers/spouses too. There is nothing fake here. Real people, real bodies, real sensuality. We are honored that they are willing to share their sexuality with us, and you. You get to enjoy their adventures knowing that they are fully committed to what they are doing together with joy, excitement and mutual passion. We fully believe that this is sexuality you can believe and find yourself in.

• Come explore and “Spark” up your sex life with your partner at SparkErotic.com

• Read more sex tips for couples on 'Dear Deni'