HOW I FIXED A FLAT TIRE
Yes. This IS a big deal for me. I had never done that. 15 years I have been riding a motorcycle. Then, I moved to passive driving, in busses as an active passenger. Lately I’ve been driving our family's red car, taking her out from time to time just for fun. A driver, like all men on the road, however without getting pissed off about other drivers. I prefer being smart to being right, on the road.
My woman was also smart enough to send me instead of herself to fix the problem. She took me out of my warm cyber kingdom of naked women’s paintings into the cold world outside of naked flat tires.
I started OK. Took out all the tools, placed the right tool under the car, held the screwdriver tight and started rotating. Sounds very sexy so far but wait – which direction should I rotate, damn it, right or left?
I mean, my chances here are no more than fifty-fifty and the odds that I hit the right fifty is also fifty-fifty so…am I loosing this battle already?
This is high math for me. Why do I have to deal with all this? I am an artist and my fingers were made for drawing, and touching …not car wheels, mind you. However, I am a man. Men fix flat tires. Good point. It is indeed a physical act that women are not fond of. I know some women will disagree with me, but, this fact will not stop me from protesting against said discrimination. If I were a woman trying to fix a flat tire, at least 3 men would come, help me.
And 3 men indeed passed by but not even ONE of them bothered to stop. A man like me should manage on his own, right? But a woman, with a generous cleavage bending over by her car, looking so helpless and so sexy, what man would not stop and offer some help, right? This the discrimination I’m talking about.
I managed to lift the car but the bolts would not turn…
A woman passed by with her dog, smiling at me. '"What are you smiling at', I was thinking, 'how I would love to be a woman like you for one day, suffer anything only to gain the help of a man with this car issue. I’d be nice to him, bend and let him see my two ‘potentials’ looking back at him, I would even give him my phone, number…anything just help me out with this!
I almost gave up. Nothing worked. Then, putting my whole energy into it, I did it! All bolts loosened before me one by one, like pink flowers…I felt like a man again. I almost gave up my discrimination thoughts. But when I got back home, I did sit by the TV with a cold drink, and waited for the waves of self-pity to wash over my brain.